Mirrors Please

I need a hand.

Well, I actually need some mirrors.

As seen in the rough digital sketch above, I've been toying with the idea of photographing landscapes with large mirrors reflecting the image into several parts of the landscape (the semi-transparent represent the mirrors). However, I don't have many mirrors this size.
If any of you know where I could find some, somebody who has some to spare, or any other information I'd love to hear it. In honesty, the larger the better. If at all possible, some sort of stand as well that it can lean on. Otherwise, I may have to write a blog post directed towards my welder friends. Mirrors without borders are most preferred.
I'm writing this here because I know so many of you are great seekers, foragers, collectors, hustlers, pack rats and researchers.
I'm not asking that you break your day over this, but to just keep your eyes open. Chances are usually good that you'll find one on the sidewalk somewhere. If you snag any leads, let me know through email (andrew.allan.schmidt@gmail.com) asap and I'll reward you with a hug and some beers. You guys are the best. Thanks for looking.

Andy.

Talkin' Schmidt - Travel Edition 3

Here's the topics while on safari:

-Prince of Hicktown aka Persian Sky

- The Truth Behind Bidet's

- Chinese Wanted Posters

- Lo-Fi Travel Photography

- Lazy Modern Technology

-HD-Film (dis)Advantages

-Letting Your Girlfriend Win

- Religious Awakenings/Superbowl Prayer

- Silk Spectre is an Ungrateful Bitch

- Male Bathroom Etiquette Pt. 1/2

- Freestyle Intermezzo

- Unnecessary Sneezing

billy jack

Sure, it's Saturday morning, and I have a lot to talk about.
But why talk when I can just watch Billy Jack clips online all day?
Here's a taste of my childhood. They sure don't make 'em like they used to.

heidi wore clogs, and so do you

So last night, Meme, Jess and I went to go see Doves.
I've been really into their latest album Kingdom Of Rust lately, so I had to see this material done live.
The show was fantastic, but this is not what I'm here to talk about.

After moving to the front (which is the best bonus to seeing shows with small, cute girls), we began to get our dance on and the tunes were bumping. All of a sudden, I could feel myself being stepping on, and stepping on someones foot. I didn't care because everyone was having a good time and this is, presumably, what happens at shows. Not to this guy."Hey man, you're stepping on my feet. This is my spot."

"What?"

"I said this is my spot. I've been here for the past ten minutes."

"So?"

It turns out that there was a blubbering vagina standing behind me. Some Dexter-Zero was chewing me out for dancing on his toes.

Oh, I'm sorry hun, I've never slow danced before.

First off, who comes to a rock concert, moves to the very front, and stakes a claim amongst hundreds of people? Your spot? Who the fuck are you?! Yukon Cornelius? Maybe if he had a pick axe, monster beard and a hunger for gold- then I would have taken him seriously

Secondly, how can you come to a show and not expect to get your feet stepped on? I could understand if he wasn't dancing and I was just causing a scene, but he was, as was everyone else. I've gone to shows with perfectly white Stan II's on, moshed for two hours, then proudly gone home with someone elses blood and dirt covering them. A real musical experience should be about passion, love, appreciation, and expression. Don't just stand there like a paper napkin. What a fucking pussy. My buzz was killed by this Joe-PC. Grow some balls for gods sake.


One thing that I know in life is that the world is full of uptight, unenlightened, anxious, high-strung matters of waste that we call "the public". People are no longer passionate about anything, and are so afraid to express themselves that they retain mid-life Osteoporosis just from sucking their boss' dick or from nodding "yes" so much every day.

People like this just make me want to stick fireworks in their pants, just so they'll feel something for once. They have pickles so far up their asses that even their breath smells like dill. I have only one piece of advice for these people: Verbally disagree with someone at least once a day. After a few weeks, you'll sleep sounder. I promise. Why? Because it's one of the many free things in life that are good for you. I'll jump back to that topic at a later date when I have more examples.

Am I out of line? You're damn right I'm not. Let's eat some pickles.

helter skelter

Lately I've had a tonne on my mind. I've been meaning to write almost every day, yet can't bring myself to come up with anything solid. I think I'll just jot for now, and maybe elaborate one day.

- I've been listening to albums on shuffle on my discman. It's a nice feeling, almost like listening to them for the first time again. Some albums are even better on shuffle.

- I've been trying to grasp a better understanding of possessions. The other day I was sitting in my room and I realized that all this stuff is mine, it belongs to me. If I were to move, all this stuff would come with me. It's a very elementary thought, yet it's funny to imagine how much we all own. I'd like to see everything I've ever bought in a big room, so that maybe I could laugh at all the dumb things I've purchased over the course of my life. That actually reminds me of a piece I was planning to work on a couple years ago, which was sparked from the fact that everything costs. I was once fascinated by the fact that everything in this world has a literal value. Touch any object within arms reach, and I guarantee you that it cost somebody something at one point (and don't say air, smarty). The pieces were going to be very large cityscapes, but instead of paint or pencil, I was going to use a price gun, because everything costs, right? I still plan on doing this, the only hurdle was actually getting my hands on a pricing gun. I'm sure I'd run into so many hurdles that it would end up like that puzzle piece I did: an utter mental breakdown.

- I've been saying the word trivial a lot. The problem is, I can't think of any other words that are as effective fast enough. I'm sure it's just a phase.

- What's the best thing about the economic recession? The DEALS. I've never, and probably will never see such deals in my entire life. And the best thing about it is that there is competition amongst these big companies, so prices are just getting lower, and lower, and lower. Example: numerous subs at Subway are only $5 for a footlong here in Toronto. Me and meatball have become very good friends over these past few months.

- For the first time in a long time, I really like my room. Every so often I'll feng shui the shit out of it and it just seems to get better and better.

- I'm extremely excited for the U.S.A. I love that country, and the arrival of Barack Obama is such an amazing step forward for the nation and I can't wait to watch it all unfold. Come to think of it, I had a nightmare last night that went something like this.
Inauguration Day wasn't in Washington, but in Harris Park. There were about 300 people, including myself, waiting for the arrival of Senator Obama to be sworn in. For some reason, he arose from the horizon in a big Hawaiin Tropic hot air balloon. Sadly, when it came time for him to land a big gust of wind shot the balloon into the Thames river. I woke up at that point.

- I've started drinking a lot of caffeine again. The effects aren't really towards my heart, but my mouth! I can't shut the fuck up. Jitters aside, it is making me a lot more industrious.

- I'm not sure which is harder: Realizing the world is crazy, or having to live with that fact. I know I'm going to have a mid-life crisis. Actually, I have mid-day crisis' every day. The only reassuring thing is that I know my life will not be normal as years pass. Spontaneity is an attribute of my personality that will never be fully under control. The urge to cut my losses and flee is ever-present.

- Jenna once introduced me to the very simple concept of mystery. Not to strive towards, but to look for and introduce yourself to. Since then, my perspective on normality, people, places, and interaction has flipped on its can and I find myself wandering more than ever. The incredible thing about Toronto is that you can walk to the same destination twenty times, but you can take a different route every time. Especially around this time of year, after a night out, walking home through the strange ethnic sects of Toronto seems like another world, and certainly not one that is minutes from your front door.

- The opening the other week at Vdara was a great success. Thanks goes to everyone who came and gave me a piece of their mind, and their heart. I didn't expect to see as many as I did, and am always grateful for the amazing relationships I have with my friends. Special thanks goes to Mickey for the huge amount of work on my behalf, and to all the staff at Vdara for making me feel so welcome. Oh, and the lamb shank was top shelf.

- Hue is playing a show this Saturday 24th at The Horseshoe Tavern around 12am. Throw me a line if you want to get on the guest list. After party is at Dance Cave right after the show.

That's enough from me.

deadly weapons

The other day I was flipping through the paper and decided to read one of a hundred articles on felons. As usual, any journalist will state where the person is from, and what they were convicted for. Around this point, I came across a term that I've never fully wrapped my head around:

Assault With a Deadly Weapon

Now, there is no doubt that some weapons are indeed, deadly. But really, isn't every known object capable of killing somebody?

My confusion concerns around when an object ceases to be non-life-threatening, to the point where it can end somebodies life. For example, say you and I are playing catch on a nice, sunny day. No problems, right? All of a sudden, I decide that I'm going to throw some serious smoke your way, so I throw a 300 mph fastball, right through your chest! Obviously I am going to be thrown in jail for first-degree murder, as well as assault with a deadly weapon. But when did this conversion happen? When did that baseball stop being a ball of fun and start being a ball of death?

Just for fun, I've decided to compile a couple things that I could easily kill you with, which were pretty harmless in the first place.

I'll start with Rick.

First, before anything, I would take the CD out of the case and play it. You'd be having a good time, because we would laugh at Rick Astley's super-black voice. It's such a deep, soulful, and rich voice that we can't stop laughing when we look at the cover. Then I'd beat you with the case (because they're usually cracked when you buy them in the first place, right?).

The nail clipper. Ooooooh.
One minute you're cutting your nails, the next, you're dead! Probably around that time you cut just too close to the nail bed and bled to death, even though you knew you were going to do it, but you just didn't want to cut that nail again for a very long time.
At what point did these two pieces of metal become deadly?
Various sports balls.
I can easily say I've been victimized by any sort of sporting goods equipment at one point or another. I've been hit from 200 yards by a golf ball. I've had a tennis ball in my eye. I caught a football with my upper lip. A kid threw a softball at my nose. The list is endless.

You may look at the photo above and assume that these are all either displays of abuse, or damage at the workplace. But they are in fact all Wii related incidences! That's right, you could kill a muthafucka with one of those things. Wailing your arms around at top speeds in a small room with a friend while simulating kicking their ass is grounds for a deadly weapon, I think. Hell, even I've almost killed somebody with one.

Pencils are sharp and pointy. You get the idea.

My beef is only with the phrase. Yes, we all know that this person tried to kill someone with a normally harmless object, so maybe I am just feeling sympathy for that object. I butter knife is just as dangerous as a machete, and a slingshot is just as deadly as a gun. It's all in the application and intention. Assault With a Deadly Weapon just doesn't make sense because at their core, everything is dangerous.

However! I do have a solution. A new law! It's called:

"Assault With a Friendly Weapon"

It's for all those Wii-murderer assholes.

Greyarea

I took the bus last week.

I sat at the front, as I usually do, directly behind the driver. The front is the best. I never fully understood why all the cool kids sat at the back because people usually barf from it being as bumpy as all hell. Plus, the front offers you a view like no other, as well as extra leg room and you get to be the first off. Although, a seperate question arose while sitting here.
I noticed that the bus driver was usuing a GPS navigation system. Is this wrong?
I concluded that it's not all that weird. After all, since when was it a criteria that all Greyhound drivers had to know all the direct highways across North America? However, it did effect the time it took to get there. This guy drove like he's never even seen London or Toronto before. Who takes Airport Road to get on to the 401 from downtown?

All in all, this was something I'd never seen before and it has further enlarged the amount of respect I have for every single Greyhound and public transit employee, because they have to deal with 50 per cent stupid people, and another 50 for the crazy assholes.

let's go places

I've always wanted to say it,

twenty tigress' and a single lion, in a jungle,

go ahead and arrest

i could use a little healing.

no big deal.

grrr, what a tone

what's the point?

it certainly isn't this.

this will never effect a "successful" person, ever.

you want to know why? because it's not in me,

it's in you.

Pain has always been of serious interest,

and anyone who knows anything about me knows this.

A little time to myself is good.

A little relaxation is great too.

Four wheels, rolling, laughing.

All for a nice couch, on pg. 87

God, that's fucking comfy.

A, perfect, space.

Doesn't that top-dollar taste good?

"Cuh-rear" makes a better backseat.

Did I mention there is an asshole on that couch?

A smack on the face,

a huge laugh, "in your room,".

healing has always been the most interesting part,

except for that part on my left arm. Christ, it hurts.

change everything, why don't you.

please baby, make your tits bigger.

Run from that post to that post.

okay, now from that post to that post.

Get some fucking control over those vices, already.

Although

Take a rest, I'll be back in fifteen minutes.

The Spaghetti Spoon.

The truth is, it's all been a huge lie and you've all been fooled.

Feel better?

Things have been going well.

moneymoneymoneymoneymoneythewordlosesallmeaningdoesntit.

get me drunk.

get me drunk!

Two words: twenty foot yacht

"oh shit, remember that forest of dandelions? hilarious!"

we could use one of those.

I love you.

GET YOUR OWN.

You look friendly, so I'm going to tell you a story.

Court-Appointed Attorney.

my dad can beat up your dad

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

"I dreamt of you on a hill with an axe and a keg."

Put up your dukes and I'll lose. It's a given.

Fuck the young hottie at work.

Constructive criticism: not for everyone.

Orgasmic and organic are not the same thing, so please stop jacking-off.

We're all out of power cords, hunny!

Distortion on ten, please.

When did my hard-drive get so soft?

"That's where the party is,"

Scented candles, your moms best pie, and a well-cooked tofurkey.

Let us just close our eyes and pretend we're somewhere else.

hook ups

I read a really interesting article in the Globe and Mail yesterday.

It was an excellent article, and a surprising one considering the usual prudence of the Globe. The article was all about how there is a lot of sex going on between athletes during the Olympics. I thought to myself,

"Hell yeah!"

For whatever reason, it never really occurred to me that these people may actually be attracted to one another. Maybe because (like many) I've always perceived athletes as these robotic units that have a single purpose and nothing else: to compete to the best of their ability. But, if you think about it hard enough, there is no better scenario for the worlds biggest hook-up-fest.

Think about it! Thousands of gorgeous, fit, flexible,young, taught athletes, all in the same city at once? Shit, that sounds about right to me. And why not? Athletes get turned on just like everybody else, if not more. If it's not from all the endorphins from exercising so much, it's probably from watching guys and girls walking around in tight-ass spandex. Apparently it happens more in the second half of the games, when most of the competitors have finished their events, are done stressing out, and are just looking to burn off a couple before going home.
I also bet that certain events spawn more sex that others.
Such as, ohhh, gymnastics? (as seen in exhibit A)

exhibit A.

You'd be a damn fool not to.
I also wonder if there's ever been any huge sex scandals throughout Olympic history. I'll give you an example.
For those of you who may not know who Michael Phelps is, you've probably been extradited to an overseas prisoner of war camp. Phelps has currently earned six gold medals in swimming this summer, with two more events on the way, and needs to be stopped.
I wonder if there are any sex-related plans of sabotage in the works to put an end to Phelps' winning streak. Is it totally unrealistic to stage a sexual encounter with a cute little Swedish number, who could either inject Phelps with steroids (stripping him of all his medals), or cause some other form of damage? Maybe the girl could cramp up his feet. You know that feeling you get when you're swimming for too long and your foot cramps up? Ah, that probably wouldn't work. He'd probably hit her with all of his gold medals, which he probably hangs from his boner.

Either way, it was an excellent article. I'm sure it's on The Globe's website.