Command + Shift + 3

I was laying in bed the other night, blast-eye awake from drinking a coffee just an hour before, streaming some movies online. Shawshank Redemption came on, so I couldn't resist watching the entire thing. 

Right towards the end of the movie, when Red (Morgan Freeman) is released from prison and lives a normal life bagging groceries, I noticed something really funny. He was wearing an apron that was an eerily similar color to one that I'd seen before. A quick screen capture, a little Photoshop, and voila..

"we was like peas and carrots"

Usually before I go to bed I stream a movie online to help me fall asleep faster. 

On this particular day I happened to notice something hilarious right before I fell asleep. 

Forest Gump was on. I usually favor falling asleep to things I've seen a hundred times. It kind of helps to not be distracted when you're trying to get to la la land. However, right as I was dozing off, the feed lagged right on an amazing frame of the movie:

young Forest getting smoked in the face by a rock! YES! It stayed still on this frame for about a minute.

Now normally this part bums me out because of those asshole Southern kids and their rock-throwings, but this screen capture was just too good to be true. I think I was a nanosecond away from capturing the rock itself. On top of that, the photo is just amazing: Forest's jacked face and Jenny's nonchalant gaze into the distance. I couldn't help but add "peas" and "carrots" to the photo.

Is this funny to anybody else besides me? I may submit it to Reddit. Maybe even as a .gif sequence.

should have been a writer

Haircuts Are Kind Of Like Avocado's

By Andy Schmidt

Haircuts are kind of like avocado's.
You're excited when you first get it, and it usually costs a small fortune.
It's hard to pick which one you want.
It looks great, but there's something just not right about it.
You think it will grow faster by keeping it in the sun more,
and by the time it's just the way you want it,
it's fucking ruined.

The End.

always a good time.

This is what happens when my family gets together with a MacBook close by. This time we were in Jasper, AB.

From left to right: myself, Aunt Laura, Bike, and mom in the background.

Enjoy.

bike bike bike

This video is just hilarious.
Not only does it hit on a somewhat personal level, but the entire inner-city bike culture.
Although this video seems to be geared (no pun) towards downtown bike messengers, anyone who's ridden on a bike at least once on a busy street can relate. Seeing as I ride my bike for usually an hour a day, I can humorously sympathize with the points made.

a whole new world

this may be one of the only really funny things I ever do, and I'm cool with that.

Happy New Year from the Schmidt Kids

Watch the magic as I, once again, trick my sister into thinking we're taking a photo - in video mode. I've watched it almost 100 times I think.
May the new year bring happiness and success to you all.
Cheers!

have a nice fucking day!

I have no idea what provoked these. I think it's because every time I see the image directly above, I utter the words "have a nice fucking day!", because it just screams energy, even though it's insanely grotesque haha. Come to think of it, most of them are pretty fucking ugly. Enjoy, and use them in any way you'd like. You can't say quality blogging is dead.

Talkin' Schmidt - Travel Edition 3

Here's the topics while on safari:

-Prince of Hicktown aka Persian Sky

- The Truth Behind Bidet's

- Chinese Wanted Posters

- Lo-Fi Travel Photography

- Lazy Modern Technology

-HD-Film (dis)Advantages

-Letting Your Girlfriend Win

- Religious Awakenings/Superbowl Prayer

- Silk Spectre is an Ungrateful Bitch

- Male Bathroom Etiquette Pt. 1/2

- Freestyle Intermezzo

- Unnecessary Sneezing

ringing ears

We had rehearsals today for the first time in almost a month. Jess was in Portugal and Andrew was pissing out his ass in Peru (Dan and I sympathized, as we had similar stomach problems in Fiji - needless to say, we all had a good laugh).

So with them back, we had a really fun Sunday afternoon jam and went over most of the material we've been working on, as well as a couple new diddy's. On top of that, it had to be the loudest jam to date. The boys bought a beautiful new VOX amp for electric guitars, which means we now play with two electrics, bass, keyboards, and drums all at the same time. As you can probably notice from the photo, the space isn't huge. This is the first time I've ever left a rehearsal with my ears ringing probably because we played Rooftops today about six times, which is about this loud and this fast.

Here's a pretty irrelevant shot of my studio. I thought I'd take it because my wide angle lens gives me a pretty nice view of the place. You can check out some of the notes on my Flickr. There's some funny treasures in there.

don't shoot the messenger

I'll preface this next piece by saying I've never known my name to mean much other than simply "manly" (some friends phones have been assigned this title under my name, naturally). However, Tess hooked me up with a few little nuggets of info from the Urban Dictionary. Actually these nuggets are not little at all.

I laughed through every single one of these. Give them a read.

Ultra cool, Usually hot or at least sort of cute. Awesome sense of style, music, and humor. Sexy, awesome kisser

-----

the modern day superman, makes little asian kids cry by hitting them with pillows

Aaron: "damn nigga you owned me with a pillow andrew"

-----------------

a warrior, a man who does not give up; also a man who gets all the ladies

Andrew is the toughest and bravest man alive

-----------

the hottest shit alive.

-------

has been laid by jenna jamenson, tila tequila, pamela anderson, and other hoes that dont stank.

duuude that guy reminds me of andrew, he gets all the hot girls!!

---------------------------

A complete stud who all girls want to fuck. He has a large cock and some girls think it is perfect. Is kind and never is mean to people.

I wish i were like andrew.

----------------------

the most awesomest guy ever. everyone wants to be him. Girl version of name: Andrea

"Andrew is the coolest dude at buchanan high school"

--------------------

The most amazing person ever. Andrew's are super cool. Everyone loves Andrew. No one can live without Andrew. Andrew gets all the ladies

-------------

has GIANT HANDS!!

WOAH!, did Andrew grow antlers.
No thats just his hands next to his head.

--------------------------

Andrew is the best person in the world. He is perfect in everyway possible. Everyone (including me) loves him. If you go out with him you are way lucky. When he's with you, you feel like nothing can go wrong. Andrew is way hot, nice, funny, caring, and amazing. When he has his arm around you, you want time to stop because you know it wont last. When he leaves you, you feel like he took your life with him. Andrew always make you happy. But he leaves. When he does there is nothing left because he meant so much to you and you feel like you just let your life fall into a never ending pit that you can never leave. But when he's with you it's the best thing in the whole world.

----------------------------

The best at everything known to man, created by General Custard in the 1800's, He's half man, half robot, half penis. He was created with the voice of angels and the strength of Hercules. He is most remembered for beating Chuck Norris in an arm wrestling championship. He once saved the world from aliens only to have sex with their women, he is man, he is everything, he is the one....

Chuck Norris' chest hairs are tingling.... Andrew's close by.

--------------------------------------------

Let's just say I'll be calling my mom in the morning saying

"Hey, thanks."

sometimes you just gotta pat yourself on the back

"YTV, pull that shit down!"

Mike and I recorded the Basement Edition of Talkin' Schmidt last night. The topics include:

BK: Lego vs. Legos , Excess Disney Sequels, Useless Hand-held Phone Tactics, Backpackers, Call of Brutal Children

Andy: Matilda and Satanic Messages, Ex Girlfriend w/ Boyfriend Etiquette, Anonymous Donors, Vegetable Commercial Motifs / Dad vs. Dolphins

Collectively: Specific Souvenir Requests, Chicken Soup for the Damaged Readers Soul

It was all filmed quite quickly and efficiently. Seeing as we haven't filmed an episode in almost a year, the topics flowed rather smoothly. The Crown Royal didn't hurt things either. Christmas time will do that to you

saturday morning funny papers

This kind of made me laugh. For those of you who like Seven, or Radiohead, or both.

mon calimarian cruiser

This little momma is going in the "Funniest Shit Ever" bin. Being the gigantic Star Wars nerd that I am, I almost died when I first saw this. If you're ever in Ein-Steins bar on College Street on any given night and you hear "It's a Frap!", it's for sure me.

vampires

Although there is an endless number of topics I'd like to touch upon, my only real reason for posting is this:

This made my god damn day, twice. I hate this recent trend of vampire shit. I'd much rather the film industry gravitate back towards zombies. At least zombies don't fall in love and smear it on billboards.

biggups to Andrew for the pic...it's the most amazing thing I've ever seen.

ahhh, the onion

I hate to say it, but thank god I follow the blogs I do; because sometimes you just find the gems.

How To Find A Masculine Halloween Costume For Your Effeminate Son

that's callled tweeting

ALRIGHTMEANDBLAIRAREGETTINGDRUNKONOLDEEANDGOING
SWIMMINGWEALSOHOOKEDUPWITHGIRLSINNYC

above video: Battery Park, NY.

get your shit right

get your shit right

Hue | MySpace Video

If you have an hour, watch this video a few dozen times. I guarentee you'll find something hilarious in it every time you watch it.

smooth as a babies bum

Last Saturday I was scheduled to do a photo documentary on the Nuns.

About an hour before leaving, my sister (who works their reception desk) calls me and asks me to remove my beard! Apparently nuns do not like beards, for whatever reason.

Seeing as I really wanted to photograph them, I removed it without hesitation. I just thought it was funny, because I'm sure I'll never have to be asked by nuns to remove my beard ever again.

On a second note, one of the Sisters asked me if I had a girlfriend while talking in her suite. I said no. She then told me that she was going to pray for me. Isn't that amazing? Right now, there is a legitimate nun praying for women on my behalf. She even wrote in her prayer book "Andrew Schmidt. Girls." By god, I hope she works some magic.
I snapped a photo while she wrote it and will surely post it as soon as it's been processed.