Command + Shift + 3

I was laying in bed the other night, blast-eye awake from drinking a coffee just an hour before, streaming some movies online. Shawshank Redemption came on, so I couldn't resist watching the entire thing. 

Right towards the end of the movie, when Red (Morgan Freeman) is released from prison and lives a normal life bagging groceries, I noticed something really funny. He was wearing an apron that was an eerily similar color to one that I'd seen before. A quick screen capture, a little Photoshop, and voila..

uhhhh...

YouTube fucking with me, once again. 

"we was like peas and carrots"

Usually before I go to bed I stream a movie online to help me fall asleep faster. 

On this particular day I happened to notice something hilarious right before I fell asleep. 

Forest Gump was on. I usually favor falling asleep to things I've seen a hundred times. It kind of helps to not be distracted when you're trying to get to la la land. However, right as I was dozing off, the feed lagged right on an amazing frame of the movie:

young Forest getting smoked in the face by a rock! YES! It stayed still on this frame for about a minute.

Now normally this part bums me out because of those asshole Southern kids and their rock-throwings, but this screen capture was just too good to be true. I think I was a nanosecond away from capturing the rock itself. On top of that, the photo is just amazing: Forest's jacked face and Jenny's nonchalant gaze into the distance. I couldn't help but add "peas" and "carrots" to the photo.

Is this funny to anybody else besides me? I may submit it to Reddit. Maybe even as a .gif sequence.

twitted

got myself a Twitter account.

come join me at www.twitter.com/andicles

Blair Whatmore would be glad to hear that nickname still lives.

happy trails.

rivoli

A lot of people don't know this about me, but in my spare time I like to wander around Toronto using Google Maps "Street View" option (if confused, try it out for yourself - it blew me away when I first used it). I don't really look for funny moments or people bailing on their bicycles. I just look for me.

Tonight I came pretty close to my goal. Even though the face is blurred out, there's a small chance that could actually be me. The only problem is I'm usually not walking that direction on Queen West, and the only white plastic bags I carry are from New Ho King, and that's always past 2 in the morning.

Who knows for sure though.

EX_JEW_FOR_JESUS

I sent this email to my dear friend Tiffany tonight and thought I'd share.

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Hey Tiffany,

I mentioned a movie called Religulous tonight and thought I might as well send you the link, seeing as I'm an atheist and am sure you might find a couple laughs in this movie. It's not too long, and Bill Maher is a funny enough man to watch 1:40 hours of.

A little known fact about me. I almost drowned to my death when I was 6. I was running around the pool at my childhood home with my brother and slipped into the deep end of our pool. Once I hit the bottom, all I could recall thinking about was this really amazing Ninja Turtles van my parents had bought for me earlier that week. It shot little pizzas. My mom grabbed me by the arm soon after and saved my life. I still remember that van, yet the pizzas remain buried within the furnace system of my early childhood home because they were really hard to find once you shot them at evil opponents.

Andy.

Religulous.

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don't shoot the messenger

I'll preface this next piece by saying I've never known my name to mean much other than simply "manly" (some friends phones have been assigned this title under my name, naturally). However, Tess hooked me up with a few little nuggets of info from the Urban Dictionary. Actually these nuggets are not little at all.

I laughed through every single one of these. Give them a read.

Ultra cool, Usually hot or at least sort of cute. Awesome sense of style, music, and humor. Sexy, awesome kisser

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the modern day superman, makes little asian kids cry by hitting them with pillows

Aaron: "damn nigga you owned me with a pillow andrew"

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a warrior, a man who does not give up; also a man who gets all the ladies

Andrew is the toughest and bravest man alive

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the hottest shit alive.

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has been laid by jenna jamenson, tila tequila, pamela anderson, and other hoes that dont stank.

duuude that guy reminds me of andrew, he gets all the hot girls!!

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A complete stud who all girls want to fuck. He has a large cock and some girls think it is perfect. Is kind and never is mean to people.

I wish i were like andrew.

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the most awesomest guy ever. everyone wants to be him. Girl version of name: Andrea

"Andrew is the coolest dude at buchanan high school"

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The most amazing person ever. Andrew's are super cool. Everyone loves Andrew. No one can live without Andrew. Andrew gets all the ladies

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has GIANT HANDS!!

WOAH!, did Andrew grow antlers.
No thats just his hands next to his head.

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Andrew is the best person in the world. He is perfect in everyway possible. Everyone (including me) loves him. If you go out with him you are way lucky. When he's with you, you feel like nothing can go wrong. Andrew is way hot, nice, funny, caring, and amazing. When he has his arm around you, you want time to stop because you know it wont last. When he leaves you, you feel like he took your life with him. Andrew always make you happy. But he leaves. When he does there is nothing left because he meant so much to you and you feel like you just let your life fall into a never ending pit that you can never leave. But when he's with you it's the best thing in the whole world.

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The best at everything known to man, created by General Custard in the 1800's, He's half man, half robot, half penis. He was created with the voice of angels and the strength of Hercules. He is most remembered for beating Chuck Norris in an arm wrestling championship. He once saved the world from aliens only to have sex with their women, he is man, he is everything, he is the one....

Chuck Norris' chest hairs are tingling.... Andrew's close by.

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Let's just say I'll be calling my mom in the morning saying

"Hey, thanks."

basement edition

Urlesque just released their list of the 100 Most Iconic Internet Videos. Seeing as I'm a Youtube and viral video crackhead, I just spent the last two hours watching about 80 of them. A lot of them I've seen hundreds of times, and there were a few that were pretty hilarious/amazing/amusing as well. Although I believe there are some videos either missing or not worth including, it's definitely worth checking out I'd say.

In other video news, the latest (and I do emphasize late - the last Holiday episode was filmed over a year ago) edition of Talkin' ScHmIdT has been released. Although we had a tonne of fun filming and writing the segments over one night, I unfortunately had to shave off four minutes of footage because Youtube doesn't allow videos over 10 minutes to be uploaded. That was depressing. Some segments were removed entirely, including a gag reel that would have probably been the funniest part of the entire video. It was comparable to telling a songwriter to take out an entire verse of a song - it just hurt.

It flowed quite well I think. I'm not sure if it was the liquor or the experience, but we both have improved our delivery when working with such tirades. Even the editing and content is a lot cleaner from past episodes. Some of the segements could have been elaborated on a bit more, but like I said, it's ten minutes. One, in perticular, was my segment about ex-girlfriend/new boyfriend etiquiette - which I'll most likely elaborate on this here blog, because it's worth delving into.

Any agreements/disagreements on any of the issues? I'd love to hear some feedback, keeping in mind that everything was said in good fun.

The fact of the matter is, if every tirade Mike and I have gone on over the years was recorded, there would be a hell of a lot of 10 minute clips floating around.

mon calimarian cruiser

This little momma is going in the "Funniest Shit Ever" bin. Being the gigantic Star Wars nerd that I am, I almost died when I first saw this. If you're ever in Ein-Steins bar on College Street on any given night and you hear "It's a Frap!", it's for sure me.

vampires

Although there is an endless number of topics I'd like to touch upon, my only real reason for posting is this:

This made my god damn day, twice. I hate this recent trend of vampire shit. I'd much rather the film industry gravitate back towards zombies. At least zombies don't fall in love and smear it on billboards.

biggups to Andrew for the pic...it's the most amazing thing I've ever seen.

somebody give us some moneeeeyyy

It's simple: Canadian cinema has no money.

I'm pretty sure the biggest budget film of all time is still, get this, Porky's.

While aching and groaning in sickness, one of my favorite activities is to sit on the Apple site and watch movie trailers for about two hours. It's fun, and I know a lot who do the same thing.

However, I went back a few pages and noticed a trailer for a film called Bull that was originally posted over the summer. I'm almost certain this is the only Canadian film currently on the Apple Trailers website. And boy is it a sad one. After watching the trailer with a bit of neglect, I decided to share it with the rest of you just to exemplify how shitty the movie looks, which really doesn't have much to do with the cast or crew. It just looks terrible.

We see some garbage first-generation HD footage, some crappy sets, all the go-to Canadian actors (half of them have shows on CTV), terrible dialogue and even worse production value. But in actual fact, this all really just comes down to money - because our film industry has none.

Bull - The Trailer from Bull - The Movie on Vimeo.

Also, if you do decide to visit the films website for whatever reason, you'll notice the "Now Available on DVD" post-it in the lower corner, while it's still being advertised as a trailer. Ouch.

ahhh, the onion

I hate to say it, but thank god I follow the blogs I do; because sometimes you just find the gems.

How To Find A Masculine Halloween Costume For Your Effeminate Son

get your shit right

get your shit right

Hue | MySpace Video

If you have an hour, watch this video a few dozen times. I guarentee you'll find something hilarious in it every time you watch it.

i'm roger lodge

nothing really to announce, other than I have no internet signal, and probably won't for the next few days. however, i have a few things to write about when I get it back - including my first blind date experience.

soon soon.

new years

For some reason, when making these images, only one person came to mind who would truly appreciate this program. Tiffany Mok, if you're reading, I think I found our new weekend activity. Thanks for the site Ro-Ro.

Holy Christ, I look like my dad in the pic above. For those of you who've had the pleasure of knowing my dad: let's laugh together.

wedding crashers

Cara sent me this video a little while back and I just recently watched it.

I fucking love it.

Serious kudos to those two for organizing something so fresh and hilarious. I can only hope that my wedding will be that cool. On top of the dancing, that's got to be the cutest couple on the planet. When the groom busts in with that somersault? Are you kidding me? And the wife's solo entrance makes me want to cry. My wife better be that cool.

Give it a looksy.

don't forget to tweet

To be honest, I'd love nothing more than to get into Twitter.

The whole idea excites me.

I know many people who use it.

I think my account would be hilarious.

However, I can't find any good reason to do it. It's just another thing that I'd get people to visit (not that I encourage visits to this blog, ever), which would also suck another thirty minutes out of my already busy days.

That, and Schmitter on Twitter is already taken.

... but should I?