"commanding presence"

This post concerns itself with one building: the Aura Condominium currently being built in College Park, downtown Toronto. This building boasts itself for being the largest residential condominium in the country. Seeing as I lived in that neighborhood for three consecutive years, with some affection I might add, I feel somewhat responsible for voicing some concerns about this massive undertaking.

First, I will list my credentials. I lived in The Liberties, Tower III for three years. I know every inside and out to that neighborhood; from the secret passages underneath the Delta Chelsea, to the rooftop access to the LuCliffe building, many of the local business owners and government workers by name, the wind speeds of Bay street, the angle the sun passes during the winter months, the ridiculous service charge at the ATM machine in the convenience store, the timing of the advanced green lights on Gerard street, and that weird little shack covered in pigeon shit that houses a zamboni. I know it all. I have an affinity for College Park in general, and although the two parking lots that once occupied the corner of Yonge and Gerard may not have been the best use of space, building a 75 storey tower certainly isn't any better.

When discussing the problems with the Aura tower, it is important to mention where and what surrounds the building.

Yonge Street, located just immediately East of the building is notorious, among many things, for being the longest street in the world. Littered along this street in this neighbouhood is a surplus of adult movie stores, chinese restaurants, low-end retail outfits and strip clubs for several blocks until you hit the tourist-eyesore that is Dundas Square. At the corner of Gerard, Yonge is four lanes wide, consistently halved by turning cars in either lane and congested by massive amounts of commuters and tourists.

Gerard Street, located just South, is the site of the main entrance/exit to the Aura tower. Conversely to Yonge, Gerard is only two lanes wide with sidewalks on either side (one belonging mainly to the Delta Chelsea's main street entrance, which also includes an airport shuttle that arrives every 30 minutes). Aside from condominiums, Gerard is currently occupied by cabs, drivers frustrated with one-way streets, and emergency vehicles.


My main concern is the utter congestion of College Park. The building is barely completed and the majority of the 75-story tower has been sold (which is standard for building practices). If you consider that the building will be almost completely filled by the time of completion, we're looking at at least two thousand people, if not more, additional occupants to the area. Although the building praises itself for being connected to the PATH system (you still have to take a $3 subway one stop to get there), it is only presumable that at least half of the towers occupants will have vehicles.
After seeing the day-to-day construction of Aura's parking facilities, which can be seen here, it is obvious that the parking accommodations are completely massive, appearing to exceed 7 storey's below ground.

Remember when I mention the two lane's of Gerard street? Now throw the extra cars into the equation.

Today, turning on to Gerard is an annoyance in itself. Confused travellers heading into the Delta are slow, cabs consistently pull over sporatically, people J-walk, and there are emergency vehicles constantly (Toronto General's ER is one block away). Did I forget to mention there are also two bike lanes? The utter mess that I can only forsee will be chatostrophic. The morning and evening rushes will be straight hell and will only create more problems for the emergency vehicles. The corner of Yonge and Gerard will be permanently jammed from all the "don't-give-a-shit-I'm-walking-here" locals. Bay street will be one permanent horn sound, and University will no doubt be congested by the turning South cars heading towards the QEW.

That's just cars.

Bringing those thousands of people back into the equation, let's talk about College Park the building. For those of us who've experienced the 180,000 square foot shopping centre more than once, it's easy to classify the centre as feverish. Seeing as the building houses a 24-hour Metro grocery store, as well as College subway station, the foot traffic alone is enough to peeve any pedestrian. Adding thousands to that equation brings Advil commercials to mind. For starters, the Metro is already insane. I honestly believe that not only will the store itself not be able to contain the demand of the customers, but will not be able to supply the amount of produce needed to feed that many urbanites. Shit, they already run out of red peppers as it is. The only real times to get any quality, uninterrupted shopping done is between the hours of 12a.m.-5a.m., and even then the place is not empty.
Upstairs, the Winners will flood and the Tim Hortons line will extend only further out the door, at all hours of the day. The College subway station will bottleneck, as it is one of the smallest stations situated in the downtown core, and one of the most utilized.

Although the building, once completed, will be an urban architectural marvel, I believe the ripple effect it will have on that neighborhood will be more detrimental than the planners originally foresaw in terms of transportation, supply and demand, and functionality. I didn't need to write this article, because the fact of the matter is I'll probably never live in that area again. But given my realtionship with the neighborhoud, as well as my close friends that still live and work there that will have their lifestyles ultimately altered (as well as their view), I felt it necessary to voice my detest for the entire project, which I have from day one.

For more information, you can visit the Aura website.

i figure...

..if I'm paying for my hydro bills, which includes the power running to my refrigerator, I might as well just start freezing the clothes I don't wear very often, just to see what happens to them. Just trying to keep my gear nice and fresh. Yep, that's it....

I'm freezing my clothes.

nay-sexual

A couple days ago, it was nearing the end of the day and something interesting occurred to me:

I hadn't been turned on once the entire day.

In truth, everyone gets sexually turned on by something daily, if not by the minute (you know who you are). There's nothing at all wrong with that. Yet on this day, I had nothing. Not a dirty thought entered my mind nor a smokin' be-hind to look at. So, naturally you can understand the gravity of this, because I noticed it right away.
I was so excited by this fact that I quickly walked home so that I could write about it. But on the way, sadly, this girl walking past me was popping huge cleav' and we eye-fucked for about two seconds. Great. My experience was completely ruined by really nice boobs. Now I'll have to wait another 23 years until it happens again.

lights on, I can't sleep.

I completely forgot about this next piece. I wrote it while drinking beer in our hotel room in Cornerbrook, Newfoundland. I originally intended it to be longer, but the ideas are all there - and there they will stay.

Life is funny like this.

Most of my personal time is spent perusing through the isles of everything I think I believe in. Since being on tour, there have been a lot of waiting periods, particularly before the shows themselves. At these points, I'll usually find myself in only a handful of places.

I spend a lot of time in the bathroom, for instance. There's something about the silence and tranquility of bathrooms that really calms my nerves. I usually stand in front of the stall, read ads on excessive gambling, pants completely zipped up, until some other guy walks in. At that point, we'll exchange maybe two words until I wash my hands and leave. I also love our van. I'll sit in the drivers seat, listen to some music, and play poker on my phone. I roll down the windows, just to catch some breeze and to listen to street chatter.

I also like a nice cigarette sometimes. Now, don't go assuming that I'm Joe Smoke. I'm in no way addicted to the stick; I merely appreciate the calmness that nicotine brings me, and this is nothing new.

The nice thing about smoking is that it gives you an excuse to be outside. Hear me out on this one. When it comes to socializing, I thoroughly believe that at least 90% of any conversation when meeting new people is useless dribble. There's so much bullshit slung amongst people these days, it's scary. So naturally, I'm not standing on a patio just to meet people, because I can meet people any time I want. Anyone can. All you have to do is use your vocal chords, even badly. I'm there to catch some fresh air and maybe a puff. If somebody wants to talk, that's fine. I'll talk. Otherwise, I'm not going to seek out individuals because they have cooler clothes than me.

Lastly, I'll walk. Particularly in foreign places, I find myself wandering the streets for the majority of my stay. Every dark alley is explored, and even the odd fence is jumped. I think the idea of getting into trouble excites me, only because I'm curious to see how I'd get out of the situations I put myself into. Words like "trespassing" and "restricted" spark my curiosity, so I'll usually challenge them. I've also taken sincere pleasure in watching others partake in something as simple as walking. Human beings are far too interesting to assume you have them figured out. Just watch.

pillow clouds of poison gas

Some things that have been on my mind:

Firstly, has anybody besides myself noticed that this video is receiving large amounts of hits? It jumped almost a thousand within the past week. I've tried to check the stats but have come to no solid conclusions. I figured it was linked to some site perhaps, but who knows. I didn't think it was that good in the first place, except maybe when I wrote it, four years ago.






I recorded that piece just the other day. That siren sound was not added, but fully interrupted my one and only acoustic guitar recording. I saw it as fate and kept it. That is a small example of how much noise my bedroom endures at any given moment. The poor quality is mostly due to the fact that the built-in Mac microphones were never meant to record any instrument of any kind.

I was originally inspired when introduced to a new tuning (open A), while in the process of learning the entire Icky Thump album by The White Stripes. Aside from the new tuning, I did manage to learn every song (aside from the cookey guitar solos) on the record. It was a lot easier than I thought it'd be, but garage rock always is.

Now why not talk about some more music?

Some other quality records that I have been into lately include:

Japandroids - Post-Nothing
Great Canadian duo. I took a chance on this album and based my decision on getting it when seeing them on the cover of Exclaim! last week. I love duo groups. I love to see them achieve success because there are so many limits with just two people, and not just in their sound. There's also a lot of freedom. Small bands are mobile and travel well. A classic example of that would be Museum Pieces, who claimed to have toured the country in a Honda Civic.
Either way, this album is full of sweet stuff, and I can't stop listening to the albums outro "I Quit Girls".

Matthew Good's song "Life Beyond the Minimum Safe Distance"
Download it, listen to it, and love it. Even reading the lyrics is enough for me. I know only so few writers who can paint such images with that little words. Lines like:
"Like a climber lost in the mountains, I dream only of sleeping." strike such chords in me. That whole album is awesome, but this is truly a gem.

Department of Eagles - In Ear Park
One of my favorite albums since, well, I have a lot of recently favored albums. But this one is awesome. Really weird, full of reverb, abstract themes, beautiful instrumentation, and catchy shit. It's the kind I can really wrap my head around as a musician because it's so unique and I have no idea how most of those sounds are created. That, and No One Does it Like You is the most played song on my iTunes.

Asobi Seksu - Citrus
One of those albums that is good enough to buy even after downloading it. I intend on doing such a thing. This is not the kind of record you'd put on at a party, it's just for you and maybe who you're in bed with. Literally translating to "playful sex", and fronted by one hell of an asian hottie, this band cooks with loud sonic, electric soundscapes accompanied by Japanese falsetto lyricism. It's romantic, loud, fun, and mysterious all at once. Good listen.

Oh! Would you look at the time. Sleep would be best if I want to avoid any more nervous breakdowns. Hand specialist in the morning.

boring mouth

I sometimes wish I had a rotten tooth. 

Something to mix up my image a bit. 

My mouth is rather boring. 

I'm thinking one rotten, black, fucked up tooth would be cool. 

Probably the fourth tooth in from the molars on the right side. 

That way, people would say, 

"Oh yah, I know Andy. The guy with the fucked tooth, right?"

It just makes sense to want one. 

Maybe I'll get a gold tooth instead. 

cock-eyed

Just recently I've realized that my slang, abbreviations, and cockney-like delivery on words has made my everyday diction almost incomprehensible. I'm not sure what triggered this, but I'm well aware of it by seeing how many people I confuse on a daily basis. I'm going to write a couple lines, in simple English, then translate them into Times New Andy.

i) Hey friend. What time did you want to meet up for a drink later? I can't make it until at least 8. I have things to do. Goodbye.

Hey Brewhan. What's the dill on drizzing tonight? I'm a No-Can-Doosky till 8. Too much shit on the plate. Paaaece.

ii) Be careful when walking home tonight. Some people are just looking for trouble. Jees Louise.

Make sure you don't get jacked later cruising home. Some fuckheads are just down for rocking a mob. Fuck sakes!

Now, I should draw some sort of conclusion as to how such foul language came to be. I could easily take inspiration (if that's what you call it) from several specific, as well as broad sources. For starters, Trailer Park Boys has grossly effected my vocabulary. Words like rock, fuck, bang, brew, shit, cock, dick etc., can be sourced to most of my bad words. Listening to hip-hop will do this too, but that's where the tact comes from and not so much the words themselves. British people. They're a huge help. Brits have the most disgusting and appealing slang going on in the world today. At moments I hate it (there's nothing worse than a burly-brit-bitch who laughs too much at her own bad British jokes), and other times I think it's the most badass and tasteful way to swear, ever. Hell, guys swear at girls (and they like it), and kids swear at their parents (and they think it's cute).
I've had some help from George Carlin as well. His cusses flow like water and stabbed like knives, and nobody swore like George. His swearing also utilized a lot of purpose, which is something that gets easily lost in the act of using bad language. This is something I've had in the back of my mind when dropping bombs for several years now. This nothing more ignorant or unattractive than using cusses poorly, and I'll admit to doing it every so often. Such as using "fuckin..." as a space, segway, or intro to an idea. "She was like, fuckiinnn, lookin' at me n' shit."

Ig-no-runt.

a new low

I currently sit in front of my television watching something that I think is quite historical. I am watching Hulk Hogans Celebrity Wrestling, and it's the worst show that has ever aired on television.

The Lowdown: This is a reality show that basically revolves around washed up actors/musicians/athletes and radio jockeys. The goal of the show is to impress the Hulk and his panel of southern brothers. These wrestlers act out the stupidest wrestling sequences I've ever seen, all for the smallest amount of pride you can imagine

The Good: The Hulk is more orange than a tangerine, and you get to watch the worst celebs on the planet kick each others asses and lose all self respect.

The Bad: Everything. In the first ten minutes I'd never felt so violated mentally. I just saw Danny Bonaduce body slam a girl, right before he got leveled by the 400 pound boxer Butter Bean. I'm currently watching a match between Dennis Rodman and Dustin Diamond, aka Screech. This is ridiculous. And the worst part is that they look to the Hulk for approval after every body slam, in hopes that they won't get eliminated and be called a "jobroney" on national tele. Another crap thing is that, for some reason, the show didn't spring for the audience cheering sound effects, so the entire show has this weird quietness that just shows how unenlightening it really is. This show only furthers the fact that entertainment as we know it has hit an all time low. Nothing is new, everything is dumb, brother!

Selloutmania!

pirogies, film, and jackholes

I've definitely been slacking in the writing department as of late. But hey! What am I to do when my laptop has been reduced to a pile of Compaq Shitcario? That's right, the days of old trusty are soon coming to an end. Bill Gates has made me squeal for the last time. Time for an upgrade.

Other than that, everything has been hunky-dory in Andyland. Due to some run-ins and meet-ups with some very wise friends, a lot has been put in perspective and I've heard things I needed to hear. These weren't things that I didn't know, but lets just say they were pulled from the back of my mind after being bombarded with useless media exposure.

I'm still painting like a mad man.
I'm working on this one right now that is taking me forever. I utilized two brand new techniques and wrestled with them for over two months, mainly using undercolor and successive layers of complementary tones. Using orange in a blue sky was something I wasn't used to, but has separated the work from my previous alla prima style. Also, with undercolor, I've allowed the background base colors do the talking, as opposed to what was placed on top of white canvas. So instead of trying to create a technically accurate image from one single layer of paint I've begun to build from the bottom, up. It's all very exciting, until I stop moving and the lights turn off.

Carla and I were talking yesterday about getting back into candid photographs using film instead of digital. I like that idea, because the thought of nearly losing all of my digital photos from the past three years in an instance scares the shit out of me! So I think I'll take all of my tip money from
work and put it towards getting my old rolls of film processed, instead of sitting in my freezer chillin' with my pirogies.

My friend Caitlin and I are still discussing my upcoming portfolio website, which still excites me. Don't hold your breath though, this baby won't be seen until sometime in 2009. But that's okay, because I'm still trying to hunt down and document my work from the past decade to put on the site. It's going to be exciting and snazzy. If you know any artist websites (even those that utilize Flash), just leave them in the comment box and I'll be sure to give them a looksy.

I took a really cool self portrait the other day, and I hate taking those. I'll put it up when i get a scanner? Who even has one of those?

I've also been finding myself in a constant state of laundry. I just can't stay on top of it.

I've considered making a new swear word. It's called "jackhole". It's a combination of jack-off and dick hole (another curse i've been really into). I guess I kind of took it from Marc Johnson, when he mention "gnarly jackasshole" in Modus Operandi. I like jackhole better though. It's fun to say and makes a fantastic descriptive word, ie. "Well, the guy was being a fucking jackhole, so I left."

I've also strangely developed an accent? Not entirely, but I've noticed it coming out every once in a while when I speak. It's a mix of a west-coast Canadian tone, and a little southern cowboy delivery on certain words.

I was rummaging through some old stuff back in London last week and I came across an illustrated short story I'd written in 1993. It was fucking genius. It was about a bull that didn't grow hair until he was in his twenties, and then died because bulls don't live that long. If that's not strange enough, at the end I went on about how his friends and family surrounded his grave, every night! There was also an illustration of this, which I want tattooed on my body. Sounds about right. I can imagine now, a tattoo drawn by myself when I was seven of two bulls standing at the burial site of a dead and buried bull. You can even see the outline of the dead body. I was advanced. That's another things I need to scan.

My doppio-long-espresso-con-pana has left me over-caffeinated, so I'll stop writing. That was the whitest thing I think I'll ever write. Rock those khaki's!

over, and under.

let's go places

I've always wanted to say it,

twenty tigress' and a single lion, in a jungle,

go ahead and arrest

i could use a little healing.

no big deal.

grrr, what a tone

what's the point?

it certainly isn't this.

this will never effect a "successful" person, ever.

you want to know why? because it's not in me,

it's in you.

Pain has always been of serious interest,

and anyone who knows anything about me knows this.

A little time to myself is good.

A little relaxation is great too.

Four wheels, rolling, laughing.

All for a nice couch, on pg. 87

God, that's fucking comfy.

A, perfect, space.

Doesn't that top-dollar taste good?

"Cuh-rear" makes a better backseat.

Did I mention there is an asshole on that couch?

A smack on the face,

a huge laugh, "in your room,".

healing has always been the most interesting part,

except for that part on my left arm. Christ, it hurts.

change everything, why don't you.

please baby, make your tits bigger.

Run from that post to that post.

okay, now from that post to that post.

Get some fucking control over those vices, already.

Although

Take a rest, I'll be back in fifteen minutes.

The Spaghetti Spoon.

The truth is, it's all been a huge lie and you've all been fooled.

Feel better?

Things have been going well.

moneymoneymoneymoneymoneythewordlosesallmeaningdoesntit.

get me drunk.

get me drunk!

Two words: twenty foot yacht

"oh shit, remember that forest of dandelions? hilarious!"

we could use one of those.

I love you.

GET YOUR OWN.

You look friendly, so I'm going to tell you a story.

Court-Appointed Attorney.

my dad can beat up your dad

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

"I dreamt of you on a hill with an axe and a keg."

Put up your dukes and I'll lose. It's a given.

Fuck the young hottie at work.

Constructive criticism: not for everyone.

Orgasmic and organic are not the same thing, so please stop jacking-off.

We're all out of power cords, hunny!

Distortion on ten, please.

When did my hard-drive get so soft?

"That's where the party is,"

Scented candles, your moms best pie, and a well-cooked tofurkey.

Let us just close our eyes and pretend we're somewhere else.

everybody poos

While taking a shit today, I began to wonder who else was shitting at that same moment. Then I began to laugh, because I started thinking about celebrities shitting. After cycling through about a dozen shit-lebrities, I laughed hardest at the thought of Victoria Beckham shitting.

Think about it.

Posh Spice pinching off a huge loaf? Haaaahahaa!! I'm trying to imagine her struggling-poo face.

I'll try to think of some more funny ones.

Nicole Kidman, Ghandi, and Bruce Wayne are all funny too.