Showing posts with label stupidity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stupidity. Show all posts

Monday, June 28, 2010

i didn't think we had it in us



What started as an innocent trip to the grocery store turned into one of the most violent and radical days to hit my life thus far.

Clearly, I am talking about the recent G20 summit that hit Toronto this past weekend. To not write this on paper would be a devastation to myself. Tess and I were curious to investigate some of the protests we'd heard might be happening downtown Saturday afternoon, so we used our trip to Metro as added incentive to head towards Yonge Street.

After about 20 minutes of produce shopping, security came over the loud speaker to inform us that the building will be locked due to external security threats. I brushed this off as some power-tripping paranoid tactic used to keep everyone under lock and key from something that was hardly considered a threat. This was a very dangerous assumption. Everyone in Metro was asked to move to the back of the store, where we patiently waited in the seafood isle for nearly 30 minutes. Luckily, a man was there that had an iPhone that could stream CP24, which came in handy when discovering that the entire exterior of the building which we were in the basement of was smashed to shit.After waiting another long stint, we were released, and the shit had already hit the fan. I mean that somewhat literally, in the case of American Apparel.


The windows of over 40 established businesses had been destroyed on Yonge street alone. The Time Hortons and Starbucks at the corner of Yonge and College had taken the worst two beatings I'd seen. Car-sized holes had been smashed through the glass windows. Chairs were thrown amongst the street. Displays were carefully "rearranged". Businesses were looted. It was fucking chaos.

We walked everywhere. Once we made it to Bay St. and Adelaide we noticed a heard of people running down the narrow streets only to be followed by a battalion (how often do I get to use that word, really) of riot police and a vehicle that I can only artfully describe as a tank; a tank that stopped for no man or woman. Police created perimeters around the peaceful protests and refused advancements towards city hall, where Jazz Fest had been poorly scheduled (would you like broken glass and flames with your Oscar Peterson covers in the key of C#?).

Finally, we concluded our day with a little organized chaos, ending up in Queens Park. After sneaking our way around the hundreds of officers clad in riot gear and shields, we were on the front lines. For those of you who haven't witnessed any of the Queens Park events in the media, let me describe it as such.

1. People get mad. People start yelling.
2. Riot police in groups of 30 or more forcefully charge aforementioned People.
3. People run for their lives, scared shitless by large men with shields and bats.
4. People stop running. Start yelling again.
5. Riot police release additional riot tactics, including mounted officers, tear gas, paint balls, and rubber bullets. Police reestablish and expand riot line another 100 yards forward, moving North.
6. People run. Some get gassed, some get trampled, some get arrested and beaten.
7. Six guys yell "Pussies!!"





Hey! Who are those handsome dudes seen at 0:25 in that clip? No less than A-Laye and some shawty gettin his grocery list on. (Huge bigs to DP for finding this clip. A true internet G)

And this goes on for about 3 hours. I was one of the people. Thankfully, I was not one of the trampled or gassed, but the danger was very real. I can hopefully say I'll never experience something that forceful for the rest of my life, but I was there willingly, so I couldn't complain if I did.


To talk about the rest of the actions seen throughout Saturday and Sunday would be irrelevant, because you can't even take a shit in your own home without hearing about the ridiculous actions that took place during the Summit.

I must admit that the violence and irreverence that took place throughout the city was absolutely inexplicable and inexcusable. The members of the Black Bloc, as well as the other "anarchist" zeroes that decided to smash stores acted like a bunch of cowards that obviously weren't concerned with the changing of political policies or overthrowing of governments and corporations. They were there for the single purpose of smashing shit under the guise of civilians.



Let me tell you something. Broken glass does not change jack shit. You think a few broken windows are going to change anything? You can throw bricks all day and night and it won't change dick about these corporations you're inflicting violence upon. You think Bell is going to lose sleep over having to call a repair man in the morning to fix a fucking window?
This type of shit is completely amateur and speaks nothing of the words "revolution" or "overthrow". Even as I sit in my chair now, so angered that I can't even get my hands to move fast enough to type, these shitheads are back home getting their moms to wash their black ski masks, lighting a joint, and listening to Rage Against the Machine. You threw a chair. Whoopdy fucking woo.

Don't get me wrong. I'm all for the majority of the peaceful protests that took place throughout the summit, but smashing up a few retail outlets simply makes no sense and will change nothing except the status of your boner.


Thursday, December 17, 2009

Robin Shouldn't

I always knew they'd make a sequel to Gladiator. I just don't know why they'd call Maximus by the name "Robin Hood". Russell can't touch Errol Flynn with a ten foot dick.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

add it to the list...


Am I the only one who's ever thought to invent Designer Milks? I'm talking about taking the milk that's been soaking in cereal for about twenty minutes and selling that as it's own product. Million dollar idea right there.

I can see it now: Cinnamon Toast Crunch Milk, Apple Cinnamon Cheerio Milk, Special K Milk, Shreddies Milk, Lucky Charms Milk. AWESOME! I'd drink that shit.

Monday, August 10, 2009

works every time

Some days I just feel like giving Much Music a chance.

I sat down this morning with some peanut butter toast and decided:

"Shit. Since there's nothing but shows about boats on TV, I might as well head over to Much Music. Maybe there's something good on,"

I was greeted by THIS.

I strongly suggest that you watch the entire video before reading anything below, just to put it into context.

First, a strong slew of obscenities comes to mind. This comes as no real surprise. Secondly, and most importantly, you have to ask "WHY?".

For starters, this suburban white-boy honky has no right being on television. He's not even good looking! Usually the formula goes as follows:

A = current looks, with chance of insurmountably awkward puberty stage
B = current voice, with chance for digital tuning
C = personality and marketability
D = chance for product placement

A + B + C + D = $$$

The strange thing is, this kid barely falls into any of these categories. He's not good looking: Usually the big record labels will go for the image first, and then start from the ground up. He's not talented: auto-tuning has more prominence on that track than keyboards. On top of that, the kid can't dance worth dick. Last time I saw something that white I was staring into the sun. The director knew that, so they either put a black kid next to him, or put him on a skateboard. Watch me ollie!

I understand that what I'm saying has been said time and time again, and that it will never get any better. I know why music sucks and I know why it will never change. Lou Pearlman practically wrote the bible of the formula in the early 90's.

My biggest question remains: WHY THIS KID?

He's on DEF JAM for fuck sakes. You know Def Jam? The Roots, Nas, Method Man and Red Man, Ghostface Killah, and this cracker? Why is Usher hanging out with this loser?


How long was I asleep?





Thursday, January 22, 2009

cock-eyed


Just recently I've realized that my slang, abbreviations, and cockney-like delivery on words has made my everyday diction almost incomprehensible. I'm not sure what triggered this, but I'm well aware of it by seeing how many people I confuse on a daily basis. I'm going to write a couple lines, in simple English, then translate them into Times New Andy.

i) Hey friend. What time did you want to meet up for a drink later? I can't make it until at least 8. I have things to do. Goodbye.

Hey Brewhan. What's the dill on drizzing tonight? I'm a No-Can-Doosky till 8. Too much shit on the plate. Paaaece.

ii) Be careful when walking home tonight. Some people are just looking for trouble. Jees Louise.

Make sure you don't get jacked later cruising home. Some fuckheads are just down for rocking a mob. Fuck sakes!

Now, I should draw some sort of conclusion as to how such foul language came to be. I could easily take inspiration (if that's what you call it) from several specific, as well as broad sources. For starters, Trailer Park Boys has grossly effected my vocabulary. Words like rock, fuck, bang, brew, shit, cock, dick etc., can be sourced to most of my bad words. Listening to hip-hop will do this too, but that's where the tact comes from and not so much the words themselves. British people. They're a huge help. Brits have the most disgusting and appealing slang going on in the world today. At moments I hate it (there's nothing worse than a burly-brit-bitch who laughs too much at her own bad British jokes), and other times I think it's the most badass and tasteful way to swear, ever. Hell, guys swear at girls (and they like it), and kids swear at their parents (and they think it's cute).
I've had some help from George Carlin as well. His cusses flow like water and stabbed like knives, and nobody swore like George. His swearing also utilized a lot of purpose, which is something that gets easily lost in the act of using bad language. This is something I've had in the back of my mind when dropping bombs for several years now. This nothing more ignorant or unattractive than using cusses poorly, and I'll admit to doing it every so often. Such as using "fuckin..." as a space, segway, or intro to an idea. "She was like, fuckiinnn, lookin' at me n' shit."
Ig-no-runt.