a new low

I currently sit in front of my television watching something that I think is quite historical. I am watching Hulk Hogans Celebrity Wrestling, and it's the worst show that has ever aired on television.

The Lowdown: This is a reality show that basically revolves around washed up actors/musicians/athletes and radio jockeys. The goal of the show is to impress the Hulk and his panel of southern brothers. These wrestlers act out the stupidest wrestling sequences I've ever seen, all for the smallest amount of pride you can imagine

The Good: The Hulk is more orange than a tangerine, and you get to watch the worst celebs on the planet kick each others asses and lose all self respect.

The Bad: Everything. In the first ten minutes I'd never felt so violated mentally. I just saw Danny Bonaduce body slam a girl, right before he got leveled by the 400 pound boxer Butter Bean. I'm currently watching a match between Dennis Rodman and Dustin Diamond, aka Screech. This is ridiculous. And the worst part is that they look to the Hulk for approval after every body slam, in hopes that they won't get eliminated and be called a "jobroney" on national tele. Another crap thing is that, for some reason, the show didn't spring for the audience cheering sound effects, so the entire show has this weird quietness that just shows how unenlightening it really is. This show only furthers the fact that entertainment as we know it has hit an all time low. Nothing is new, everything is dumb, brother!

Selloutmania!

hue and lights at cto

Last night was an outstanding show.
After a grueling amount of rehearsals over the past weeks, we pulled together a well-received set that was over 3/4's new material. There were a lot of highlights to the show as well: I got to play the drums sideways, Darcy and I both had solo's during a jazz intermission (except he got to play the kazoo), we had a song that was just drums and whistling, and most importantly, nothing broke or disconnected. It was just one of those shows where everything went smooth from start to finish, except when our sound guy Eric had us set up onstage in front of everybody, only to make us wait while he took a piss. But once we hit the stage, it was all set to go.

Seeing as we were playing with the pop-wonder LIGHTS (myspace.com/lights) we knew that people would show up, but we weren't ready for how many.
I got a text from my sister early on in the night asking when to show up for the show, I replied "come now, there's 150 people waiting to get in", and that was before the doors even opened. Once they did, the place just flooded and we were to hit the stage in about an hour. By the time we'd finished our set, the Sold Out sign was placed on the front door. It got really, really tight. Once we hit that last note (or punch), it was time to tear down everything at record pace. Yet the only problem was, we couldn't get off the stage. People had surrounded every corner of Call the Office and we had no way of getting our gear off the stage. So we (meaning Hue and Everlea) formed a gear-train that involved lifting huge amps above our heads in an effort to get everything off the stage so that the next set of gents could get playing.
Another thing I wasn't expecting from this show was the general demographic. I forgot who we were playing with and what her fan base really is: screaming young girls. I am not, in any way, saying this is a bad thing. In fact, it was one of the most hilarious and enjoyable crowds we've ever played to. Playing to a hoard of girls kicked ass. After every song they'd cheer, and after everything you'd say they'd scream. I joked later about screaming "Does your mother like it dirty?"..."YAAAHBLLAAHHAAA!" I even threw away broken sticks at the end of the show, and they ate that shit up. I guess if you're too young to drink, you have to have your vices, which leads me to my next point: these kids spend!
Not only did they like the music, but they wanted to have it. Apparently we sold over twenty albums last night and filled up over two sheets of paper for a mailing list. We also signed a lot of CD's, which made me feel like a rockstar dickhole, but it was all in fun and it was nice to meet a lot of cool people.
Needless to say, the night was a huge success and I only want to tour with popular female musicians, forever.

hi, i'm a mac

Yeah yeah yeah yeah, new laptop. Fairly excited.
I found it really strange when I was asked about my new computer, to which my response was pretty unenthusiastic. But really, what is there to get excited about when your computer has nothing on it? Photo Booth is fun, because I can make crazy faces, but other than that I'm still getting used to the platform. Macs are funny machines. Everything is quite streamlined, but it's like learning to ride a bike again. I've been rocking on windows so long that I know no other way around. So yes, it will be a many days reading manuals and playing around with hotkeys, which is kind of fun. One thing weird about this computer is that the "v" key is HYPER SENSITIVE. By that I mean I just have to touch the key, not even press, and the fucker clicks. So I've been seeing all these v's spread out randomly through my writings, and if I leave my finger on the key without looking, a huge mess of v's show up, like this vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv. I probably changed some sensitivity settings without thinking, or not.
Aside from that, I plan on acquiring some nifty programs: Photoshop, Logic Pro, Final Cut, all the Garage Band Jam Packs (thanks Dan), and maybe something else nifty. Even with the new machine, I still do not plan on downloading music, mostly just because I feel bad when I do. Sometimes I feel that if I can't afford it, I shouldn't hear it, which is rediculous in many ways and I could analyze that to death, but I won't.

Lately, I feel as though I've been in horrible overall health. Not only do I feel like I'm going to faint all the time, but I've been getting short flu flashforwards. My knee painfully buckled yesterday when walking, which is incredibly random because I've never experienced any sort of injury down there. Other than that, my friend Aaron and I have decided to become men and grow mustaches, which is really funny because we both have blonde facial hair and we look hilarious because the staches are transparent.

Things I've been into lately:
- the fact that I can learn anything, which is an elementary idea, but it excites me to no end.
- George Carlin. Watch his material online and be enlightened. I'll soon post some favourites of mine.
- Bill O'Reilly (the exact opposite of Carlin). Quite possibly one of the largest assholes on the Fox Planet, but so entertaining to watch and such a flaming patriotic jackhole.
- Considering a degree in fine art.
- Chicago
- Bruce Springsteen's Devils and Dust
- Film. Fuck digital, for the moment.
- Working on my bounce-flash technique (thanks for the tips Jenna)
- new Hue songs
- realising that I don't have to wait until New Years for a resolution
- asking questions, a lot of them.
- drip coffee (ps. since when?)
- the voice recorder on my phone, which I use almost every day. most of it is freestyles.
- freestyling

There, now you know what I'm interested in at the moment. Do you care? The only reason I do is because I can look back on this post one day and laugh about drip coffee and freestyling.

One last thing that is somewhat of interest to me: Taking your current state of personality and analyzing what parts of you came from which parent. That's one thing I'd like to unravel, and I recommend you do the same.

hologram

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living in a glass house

Here are my albums in current rotation. Not my all time favorite stuff, but it's usually what I've been craving to hear at 5 am.

Bloc Party's Intimacy, is not exactly what I expected from those boys, but it indeed blew my fucking head off. The first track has lead electric work that would make you cry, and the drummer is still awe inspiring. I still plan on attempting to play to one of their albums continuously on the drums, even though I know I wouldn't even come close to the speed and precision they can pull off. But as expected, there's crazy drumming, lyrics that don't rhyme, dark motifs, and gripping instrumentation that has you buy the nuts the entire album (except for the two remixes at the end, which seems to separate themselves from the entirety of the album). Needless to say, it's dope and you should grab it.

Tegan and Sarah's The Con. I bought this album only because I could get it for cheap and it came recommended by a friend. This still continues to be one of the favorite albums of the year, for several reasons. For one, the writing is second to none in its originality. The production Chris Walla gave the album is phenomenal; everything is juicy, tough, organic, and sharp all at the same time. The album alone inspired me to delve into not only T&S's catalogue, but into Wallas as well. Thirdly, the drumming is gorgeous, and more importantly, effective. Well done Jason. And finally it came with a sweet behind the scenes look at how every track was born and was completed. Everything from the writing, to the recording, the mixing, with some additional Forest Fone sequences that are pretty hilarious. You can watch them on youtube if you have an hour to kill.

Daniel Johnston's Welcome to My World. The vocals are annoying as all hell, but the songs are like nothing I've ever heard. Performing all by his lonesome, usually with just the help of a guitar or piano, Daniel pumps out beautifully articulated songs of heartbreak, humor, satire, John Lennon, and speedy motorcycles. Anyone who considers themselves a music aficionado should buy at least one of his albums immediately.

The Who's Who's Next. Listen to it. Love it. Rock out to Baba O'Reilly and remember what rock is supposed to sound like.

Matthew Good's The Audio of Being. The whole album rules (most notably The Rat Who Would Be King, Tripoli, and Advertising on Police Cars). But the solo at the end of Carmelina is just something I can never get loud enough in my ears. It's everything I look for in a solo: loud as fuck, full distortion, entire scale, and terrifying.

Beast, Beast. It's not out yet, but I heard the clips from the album on iTunes today and still love that shit. I saw these Montreal cats at NXNE this year and was blown away. Think industrial beats on top of the Triplets of Belleville soundtrack, and that's literally what it is.

Placebo's Sleeping With Ghosts, and Meds. Another group that I was inspired to listen to simply from one good song. I actually took the long way around when listening to these guys; a route that I usually avoid like the plague, and that is the first record I bought was a singles album. Weak! Singles are for low-frequency jackholes. Regardless, I'm glad I did because their albums rule, especially these two. Beautiful lyricism surrounding dark, romantic times that is best listened to on wet cobblestone streets. Some tracks just make you feel like a strung out junkie roaming around Sussex on a Saturday night looking for cheap sex and cheap drugs. Tracks like In the Cold Light of Morning and Pierrot the Clown just move me in a way that would normally have cost me a plane ticket to Paris. Brian Molko is a cool androgynous mother as well.

Tchaikovsky's Three Disc Collection. Probably the only record that I own and haven't listened to. Sole reason for this? It's on vinyl and I don't have a record player. I saw it at Goodwill for THREE DOLLARS and bought that, among others. Three dollars for a triple-Tchaikovsky vinyl? Pff. Mine.

Anything by Cat Power. A voice that takes you from worrisome to care-free. I eat up this acoustic lounge shit. She's just as edgy as Amy Winehouse, except she has a better voice and shows up to concerts. Oh!

Radiohead, Amnesiac. I listen to this album, unconsciously, about once every three weeks. I just look at the spine of the record when it sits amongst my others and pop it in my player. It's so weird and crafty. There are only a handful of songs on the record that I would consider structured, literal "songs", and that's what is so cool about it. The rest of the album is just full of loops, crunchy bass, Thom Yorke's choir-boy falsetto, and a whole lot of talent. And time measurements that make you want to go back to school.

pirogies, film, and jackholes

I've definitely been slacking in the writing department as of late. But hey! What am I to do when my laptop has been reduced to a pile of Compaq Shitcario? That's right, the days of old trusty are soon coming to an end. Bill Gates has made me squeal for the last time. Time for an upgrade.

Other than that, everything has been hunky-dory in Andyland. Due to some run-ins and meet-ups with some very wise friends, a lot has been put in perspective and I've heard things I needed to hear. These weren't things that I didn't know, but lets just say they were pulled from the back of my mind after being bombarded with useless media exposure.

I'm still painting like a mad man.
I'm working on this one right now that is taking me forever. I utilized two brand new techniques and wrestled with them for over two months, mainly using undercolor and successive layers of complementary tones. Using orange in a blue sky was something I wasn't used to, but has separated the work from my previous alla prima style. Also, with undercolor, I've allowed the background base colors do the talking, as opposed to what was placed on top of white canvas. So instead of trying to create a technically accurate image from one single layer of paint I've begun to build from the bottom, up. It's all very exciting, until I stop moving and the lights turn off.

Carla and I were talking yesterday about getting back into candid photographs using film instead of digital. I like that idea, because the thought of nearly losing all of my digital photos from the past three years in an instance scares the shit out of me! So I think I'll take all of my tip money from
work and put it towards getting my old rolls of film processed, instead of sitting in my freezer chillin' with my pirogies.

My friend Caitlin and I are still discussing my upcoming portfolio website, which still excites me. Don't hold your breath though, this baby won't be seen until sometime in 2009. But that's okay, because I'm still trying to hunt down and document my work from the past decade to put on the site. It's going to be exciting and snazzy. If you know any artist websites (even those that utilize Flash), just leave them in the comment box and I'll be sure to give them a looksy.

I took a really cool self portrait the other day, and I hate taking those. I'll put it up when i get a scanner? Who even has one of those?

I've also been finding myself in a constant state of laundry. I just can't stay on top of it.

I've considered making a new swear word. It's called "jackhole". It's a combination of jack-off and dick hole (another curse i've been really into). I guess I kind of took it from Marc Johnson, when he mention "gnarly jackasshole" in Modus Operandi. I like jackhole better though. It's fun to say and makes a fantastic descriptive word, ie. "Well, the guy was being a fucking jackhole, so I left."

I've also strangely developed an accent? Not entirely, but I've noticed it coming out every once in a while when I speak. It's a mix of a west-coast Canadian tone, and a little southern cowboy delivery on certain words.

I was rummaging through some old stuff back in London last week and I came across an illustrated short story I'd written in 1993. It was fucking genius. It was about a bull that didn't grow hair until he was in his twenties, and then died because bulls don't live that long. If that's not strange enough, at the end I went on about how his friends and family surrounded his grave, every night! There was also an illustration of this, which I want tattooed on my body. Sounds about right. I can imagine now, a tattoo drawn by myself when I was seven of two bulls standing at the burial site of a dead and buried bull. You can even see the outline of the dead body. I was advanced. That's another things I need to scan.

My doppio-long-espresso-con-pana has left me over-caffeinated, so I'll stop writing. That was the whitest thing I think I'll ever write. Rock those khaki's!

over, and under.

nuit blanche, again already?

Nuit Blanche art festival is tomorrow night, all night.

I'm exited, except I set really high standards for nights like this.

As usual, I plan on starting around 11pm, and ending somewhere around 7am Sunday morning.

There's a lot to cover, but I'm down for it. If it's going to be as cold as it is tonight, it may get rough.

Events like this are always hard on me, my digital, and my laptop. The old girl can only take so much. I'll have to spend most of tomorrow clearing space and charging everything.

I also plan on having an awesome time, even if I do get zombie makeup put on in College Park.

deadly weapons

The other day I was flipping through the paper and decided to read one of a hundred articles on felons. As usual, any journalist will state where the person is from, and what they were convicted for. Around this point, I came across a term that I've never fully wrapped my head around:

Assault With a Deadly Weapon

Now, there is no doubt that some weapons are indeed, deadly. But really, isn't every known object capable of killing somebody?

My confusion concerns around when an object ceases to be non-life-threatening, to the point where it can end somebodies life. For example, say you and I are playing catch on a nice, sunny day. No problems, right? All of a sudden, I decide that I'm going to throw some serious smoke your way, so I throw a 300 mph fastball, right through your chest! Obviously I am going to be thrown in jail for first-degree murder, as well as assault with a deadly weapon. But when did this conversion happen? When did that baseball stop being a ball of fun and start being a ball of death?

Just for fun, I've decided to compile a couple things that I could easily kill you with, which were pretty harmless in the first place.

I'll start with Rick.

First, before anything, I would take the CD out of the case and play it. You'd be having a good time, because we would laugh at Rick Astley's super-black voice. It's such a deep, soulful, and rich voice that we can't stop laughing when we look at the cover. Then I'd beat you with the case (because they're usually cracked when you buy them in the first place, right?).

The nail clipper. Ooooooh.
One minute you're cutting your nails, the next, you're dead! Probably around that time you cut just too close to the nail bed and bled to death, even though you knew you were going to do it, but you just didn't want to cut that nail again for a very long time.
At what point did these two pieces of metal become deadly?
Various sports balls.
I can easily say I've been victimized by any sort of sporting goods equipment at one point or another. I've been hit from 200 yards by a golf ball. I've had a tennis ball in my eye. I caught a football with my upper lip. A kid threw a softball at my nose. The list is endless.

You may look at the photo above and assume that these are all either displays of abuse, or damage at the workplace. But they are in fact all Wii related incidences! That's right, you could kill a muthafucka with one of those things. Wailing your arms around at top speeds in a small room with a friend while simulating kicking their ass is grounds for a deadly weapon, I think. Hell, even I've almost killed somebody with one.

Pencils are sharp and pointy. You get the idea.

My beef is only with the phrase. Yes, we all know that this person tried to kill someone with a normally harmless object, so maybe I am just feeling sympathy for that object. I butter knife is just as dangerous as a machete, and a slingshot is just as deadly as a gun. It's all in the application and intention. Assault With a Deadly Weapon just doesn't make sense because at their core, everything is dangerous.

However! I do have a solution. A new law! It's called:

"Assault With a Friendly Weapon"

It's for all those Wii-murderer assholes.

Greyarea

I took the bus last week.

I sat at the front, as I usually do, directly behind the driver. The front is the best. I never fully understood why all the cool kids sat at the back because people usually barf from it being as bumpy as all hell. Plus, the front offers you a view like no other, as well as extra leg room and you get to be the first off. Although, a seperate question arose while sitting here.
I noticed that the bus driver was usuing a GPS navigation system. Is this wrong?
I concluded that it's not all that weird. After all, since when was it a criteria that all Greyhound drivers had to know all the direct highways across North America? However, it did effect the time it took to get there. This guy drove like he's never even seen London or Toronto before. Who takes Airport Road to get on to the 401 from downtown?

All in all, this was something I'd never seen before and it has further enlarged the amount of respect I have for every single Greyhound and public transit employee, because they have to deal with 50 per cent stupid people, and another 50 for the crazy assholes.

let's go places

I've always wanted to say it,

twenty tigress' and a single lion, in a jungle,

go ahead and arrest

i could use a little healing.

no big deal.

grrr, what a tone

what's the point?

it certainly isn't this.

this will never effect a "successful" person, ever.

you want to know why? because it's not in me,

it's in you.

Pain has always been of serious interest,

and anyone who knows anything about me knows this.

A little time to myself is good.

A little relaxation is great too.

Four wheels, rolling, laughing.

All for a nice couch, on pg. 87

God, that's fucking comfy.

A, perfect, space.

Doesn't that top-dollar taste good?

"Cuh-rear" makes a better backseat.

Did I mention there is an asshole on that couch?

A smack on the face,

a huge laugh, "in your room,".

healing has always been the most interesting part,

except for that part on my left arm. Christ, it hurts.

change everything, why don't you.

please baby, make your tits bigger.

Run from that post to that post.

okay, now from that post to that post.

Get some fucking control over those vices, already.

Although

Take a rest, I'll be back in fifteen minutes.

The Spaghetti Spoon.

The truth is, it's all been a huge lie and you've all been fooled.

Feel better?

Things have been going well.

moneymoneymoneymoneymoneythewordlosesallmeaningdoesntit.

get me drunk.

get me drunk!

Two words: twenty foot yacht

"oh shit, remember that forest of dandelions? hilarious!"

we could use one of those.

I love you.

GET YOUR OWN.

You look friendly, so I'm going to tell you a story.

Court-Appointed Attorney.

my dad can beat up your dad

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

"I dreamt of you on a hill with an axe and a keg."

Put up your dukes and I'll lose. It's a given.

Fuck the young hottie at work.

Constructive criticism: not for everyone.

Orgasmic and organic are not the same thing, so please stop jacking-off.

We're all out of power cords, hunny!

Distortion on ten, please.

When did my hard-drive get so soft?

"That's where the party is,"

Scented candles, your moms best pie, and a well-cooked tofurkey.

Let us just close our eyes and pretend we're somewhere else.