Some days I just feel like giving Much Music a chance.
I sat down this morning with some peanut butter toast and decided:
"Shit. Since there's nothing but shows about boats on TV, I might as well head over to Much Music. Maybe there's something good on,"
I was greeted by THIS.
I strongly suggest that you watch the entire video before reading anything below, just to put it into context.
First, a strong slew of obscenities comes to mind. This comes as no real surprise. Secondly, and most importantly, you have to ask "WHY?".
For starters, this suburban white-boy honky has no right being on television. He's not even good looking! Usually the formula goes as follows:
A = current looks, with chance of insurmountably awkward puberty stage
B = current voice, with chance for digital tuning
C = personality and marketability
D = chance for product placement
A + B + C + D = $$$
The strange thing is, this kid barely falls into any of these categories. He's not good looking: Usually the big record labels will go for the image first, and then start from the ground up. He's not talented: auto-tuning has more prominence on that track than keyboards. On top of that, the kid can't dance worth dick. Last time I saw something that white I was staring into the sun. The director knew that, so they either put a black kid next to him, or put him on a skateboard. Watch me ollie!
I understand that what I'm saying has been said time and time again, and that it will never get any better. I know why music sucks and I know why it will never change. Lou Pearlman practically wrote the bible of the formula in the early 90's.
My biggest question remains: WHY THIS KID?
He's on DEF JAM for fuck sakes. You know Def Jam? The Roots, Nas, Method Man and Red Man, Ghostface Killah, and this cracker? Why is Usher hanging out with this loser?
How long was I asleep?
I sat down this morning with some peanut butter toast and decided:
"Shit. Since there's nothing but shows about boats on TV, I might as well head over to Much Music. Maybe there's something good on,"
I was greeted by THIS.
I strongly suggest that you watch the entire video before reading anything below, just to put it into context. First, a strong slew of obscenities comes to mind. This comes as no real surprise. Secondly, and most importantly, you have to ask "WHY?".
For starters, this suburban white-boy honky has no right being on television. He's not even good looking! Usually the formula goes as follows:
A = current looks, with chance of insurmountably awkward puberty stage
B = current voice, with chance for digital tuning
C = personality and marketability
D = chance for product placement
A + B + C + D = $$$
The strange thing is, this kid barely falls into any of these categories. He's not good looking: Usually the big record labels will go for the image first, and then start from the ground up. He's not talented: auto-tuning has more prominence on that track than keyboards. On top of that, the kid can't dance worth dick. Last time I saw something that white I was staring into the sun. The director knew that, so they either put a black kid next to him, or put him on a skateboard. Watch me ollie!
I understand that what I'm saying has been said time and time again, and that it will never get any better. I know why music sucks and I know why it will never change. Lou Pearlman practically wrote the bible of the formula in the early 90's.
My biggest question remains: WHY THIS KID?
He's on DEF JAM for fuck sakes. You know Def Jam? The Roots, Nas, Method Man and Red Man, Ghostface Killah, and this cracker? Why is Usher hanging out with this loser?
How long was I asleep?
3 comments:
I must counter, if only for preservation of things that come from Stratford, ON (myself being one, him being another).
I was his summer camp counselor, and although that was many moons ago, the kid was sweet and alllll the little girls thought he was the best thing since Ring Pops (they probably don't think the 'sliced bread' reference is funny, and I'm trying to keep with the times).I've heard he's a little shithead now but who wouldn't be if they grew up in a city that's known for it's mass production (and consumption) of meth? He's hanging out with Usher and JT. I'd be pretty psyched.
That song is catchy for the teeny boppers (and I'll admit, I kind of frigging love it too) but, you're right, the voice in the song isn't particularly good. He, however, is.
If you watch YouTube, the kid has talent for being so young, but again, you're right in saying that the music industry is kind of moronic for setting up yet another Aaron Carter/Billy Gilman situation. Once he hits puberty, who knows what's going to happen to those pipes.
In all fairness, his mom is a bit of a psycho and recently cornered me in a bathroom of a local, Stratford watering hole and showed me a 13 minute video of him hanging out with Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake.. not doing anything, just hanging out.
But poor kid. He's 14. What do you expect? He doesn't know any better.
I can't even defend your statements Andy, I won't lie...I'm a girl with friends with teeny-bopper tastes in music and there's not much better than driving to the beach to the tunes of Justin Biebert. I wish Usher and JT were fighting over me, lucky kid.
I'll admit that most of this entry was written as a catalyst for most teen pop music, and that this kid took the brunt of what lies mostly on my negative conscience: image first, purpose later. All I really needed was a face, a song, and a cup of coffee, and boom! There you have it. Rants will be rants.
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