UPDATED - move it or use it

For starters, that's my third and newest cast. Well, it's a splint for arguments sake. I'm incredibly happy about this, and why? It's removable! Velcro, son. It also makes me look like a stormtrooper. Gone are the dark ages of bag-shower-dickhead. I can actually now wash myself with two hands like a big boy. The best part about this is that I'll be able to remove it whenever I please for my trip, within reason. I don't want to royally mangle my hand by leaving it off too long and cause another alignment problem, which lead to the most painful medical procedure I've ever endured. I won't go into that for the sake of those reading who choose not to see their lunches for a second time.

On top of all that, I think I'm inches away from pneumonia again, which is funny because it made me realize something.
Every new years eve I'll attempt to forecast what the theme for the year will be. Two years ago was the Year of Disguise, last year was the S.H.I.T. acronym, and this year is Personal Injury! I might as well roll with all these defects because it's actually quite comedic from my point of view. But enough about that.

As I mentioned earlier in the week, I will be participating in the annual CN Tower stair climb tomorrow. Quite frankly, I haven't thought about my vacation hardly at all because my mind and body have been fixated on this ridiculous personal challenge. I have been exercising my legs and lungs constantly for the past two weeks and, apparently to some, have lost some weight. I thought that was due to not wanting to eat because of my hand, but who knows.

To me, this climb isn't about pandas at all. I can guarantee you I'll never use that last sentence ever again for as long as I live. But sure, the money raised (thanks DP and Flip') is for a good cause, yet I approach it a lot more personally. In the end they give you your elapsed time and you get to see either how in shape you are from walking and exercising daily, or how unhealthy you are from drinking Olde E, eating Starbucks food, smoking casually on the stoop, a ten pound weight increase, and inadvertently huffing oil paint fumes on a daily basis.

Seeing as this is my fourth straight climb (past times include 22:41, 18:13, and 26:02 minutes), it's anyones guess what will happen. If I bomb I'll just blaming it on being sick because I currently have no lung capacity. I'll post my time on this blog tomorrow morning before my flight leaves. Predictions are welcome. I'm going to ballsilly (not a real word) predict 25:00 minutes.


one day later....And that kids is how you climb a fucking tower. Turns out I'm not so out of shape after all.
Kudos to friend and karaoke all-star John Ainey for pulling together an admirable time of a little more than 16 minutes.

plaster sandwich

Well, I have since had an upgrade and it is surely more stable than the last. This addition has made me realize many things, some of which I will now go into detail about.

. It has been a very interesting learning curve so far. Actually, I should say re-learning curve. I am slowly realizing what I can and cannot perform with my right hand. For instance, these are the things you wouldn't think would be difficult, but actually are: grinding pepper, getting your wallet out of jeans, tying shoelaces, grating cheese, all bathroom activities, shaking hands, answering the phone, writing, typing, riding a bike and holding pretty much anything.

. It's really warm. I never think to wear gloves when it's cold, (not that a glove would ever fit). I can even avoid using oven mits at times.

. It is relatively bad ass. People really second look when they see a busted hand protruding from a jacket sleeve. It's just among one of those cool things to have in your hands when walking. The list also includes: hot dogs, a wreath, a coffee, a box of books, a bag of fruit, a christmas tree, a tripod, etc. Either that, or they think I'm an idiot.

. If I had a lady throughout the duration of this cast we would probably have lots of sex. Lots and lots. That's something I would enjoy doing with my time instead of fumbling with paint brushes and roaming around College Park. Nothing like the mambo to take your mind off things.

. Showering is becoming less difficult. Seeing as I can't get my cast wet, I have to do whatever it takes to keep it dry, even if it means asking my Coll-Bev lovers to hoard empty sleeves for me. The only really difficult thing about showering is dispensing soap. How is it done with one hand? Think about how you'd do it. I'll leave you with that image.

. Since I'm not working, I've been forced to conjure up some get-rich-quick schemes. Around my place they call that "The Big Dirty". I always find a way to make giant sums of money really fast, and it pisses off my brother to all hell. He'll work for three months and I'll sell two paintings in a day. Sometimes that horseshoe gets uncomfortable in my ass.

. Half of my shirts don't fit because I can't get my arm through the sleeve.

. The cast will probably affect my stair climb later next week. I use my hands a lot throughout the event when grabbing the rails. Oh! Also, I'm accepting pledges and I'm $25 away from reaching my goal, so if you like to donate to the cause just drop me a line. I'll go into detail about this day later this week.


All in all, this cast has turned out to be a very interesting ride so far. I've never had something so constricting attached to my body for so long, except for that time in Vegas, but that's a whole other story. Every morning I wake up and it just feels like it was all a dream, until I attempt to wiggle my fingers. I guess distance makes the hand grow stronger.

Open Apology - Lee's Palace

Hey friends,

As you may or may not have heard, last week I fell on my hand and managed to fractured and temporary misaligned my fifth metacarpal bone in my right hand (the one that went wee wee all the way home). This has disabled me from doing much of anything, including playing the drums. Believe me when I say I tried everything possible to get that hand to work, but the plaster cast I'm wearing allows no wrist flexibility and only the use of three fingers.

With great regret, we've been forced to cancel this Fridays show at Lee's Palace. We considered many other options, but felt this venue deserved a proper show for a proper crowd. I even considered playing the songs differently using a different grip, but this would strongly compromise the precision and execution of the songs. It takes a whole lot for us to cancel a show. In fact, I believe this our first cancellation. Either way, I'm personally sorry and can't wait to get back on the stage with the boys.
Who knows, maybe I'll end up like that kid who broke his arm in Rookie of the Year, but instead of throwing incredible fastballs, I'll be able to drum like Buddy Rich, sans the attitude.

Be well.

it's a wrap

Once the swelling subsided, I knew something wasn't feeling right. My pinky finger was all twisted and my knuckle had been clearly pushed backwards.
After checking into emerge I awaited to hear my name called. It's really based on priority, so I understood why I was forced to wait three hours just to see somebody. I spent my time mainly talking to this woman, as well as eavesdropping on the police that were questioning her. Poor thing.

I was also quite amused at how many different places I was asked to wait throughout the hospital. I think it topped off somewhere between nine or ten different locations. At one point I was asked to stand in the middle of the hallway, conveniently located in front of a room where a fat naked Samoan guy (I think everyone is Samoan) was laying in bed. Deelish.
I then had my x-rays by some douchebag who got my hopes up when saying "Well done" but actually meant "Your hand is fucked".

Long story short, I've managed to fractured and misaligned my fifth metacarpal. This means cast time, and not even one of those cool casts. I look like I have a mummy hand. Apparently this will be on for around four weeks. I still don't consider this to a break, so the streak lives on. Yet now that I think of it, how uncool is it to have never broken a bone? Broken bone stories are far better than none at all.

it's always something

I'm seriously beginning to think that my body is trying to meet some sort of quota for how many things can go wrong with me in one year.

The other night I bailed stepping over a parking block and allowed my right hand, my favorite, to take the brunt of the fall. I must have crushed the shit out of it because it is currently about the size of a softball and the swelling is so thick that I can't tell if it's broken or not. The palm of my hand is slowly turning darker and the pain is almost nauseating at times.
Don't get me wrong, I can still use it. I'm just worried that it might be broken. That would be amazing because we play a show in two weeks and I can't really afford to take time off work. I also don't like icing it when I sleep because the coldness seems to give me nightmares.